i’m in a terrible dark place right now. it’s the first time in a long time that i’ve ever contemplated suicide and that it’s the right thing to do. that part scares me, letting it out of my head somehow is the only way. i feel like i can’t run to anyone – sometimes I really wish someone would be a literal shoulder to cry on and just listen. i’m an emotional wreck. i hate my body, it looks morbid, i look pregnant even though i know i’m not. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i feel like if i tell anyone what i really feel or think, they’ll just say that i’m just complaining and that i got myself into this. that makes me feel alone, very alone. i feel so pathetic and unloved, i’m not supposed to the fact that this is happening, proves something is wrong with me. i don’t know what to do. i know it’s a selfish act – a very selfish act, i know it’s just running away from things and that it’s cowardly and that it doesn’t actually solve anything, but perhaps leaving this life might take away this longing for something, someone, some where to run to.

Someone take me to those free music festivals or arts fests, perhaps even a surprise trip to ocean park or the planetarium maybe the orchidarium too.


It’s like if you just landed on an alien planet populated by pugs and the locals have come out to greet you.


It’s like if you just landed on an alien planet populated by pugs and the locals have come out to greet you.

boys who actually makes plans


it doesn’t have to be elaborate 
i don’t care for fancy dates 
but if he says,
"hey let’s grab some coffee, my treat." 
"i need to buy a sweater, help me choose?" 
"i haven’t seen you in awhile, let’s go watch a movie."

it sounds totes better than 
"idk what do you want to do choose"  


I feel that Meryl Streep’s acting in “The Devil Wears Prada” was a good representation of how I feel in school:

when in the hallways:


when someone makes a big deal out of a poor test grade:


when I’m done presenting something in class and it gets awkwardly silent:


when I get a poor grade on a test:


when someone says something incredibly stupid:


when someone keeps asking me for the answers on homework or tests:


she is my spirit animal






What I’d Wear : The Outfit Database

(source : Peave Love Shea )
Proceed with caution.
I'm Ellie ! I'm nearly twenty and already having a quarter life crisis.

Yes, I know that people think I'm weird and awkward, but you know what? I don't give a flying ---- ;) It keeps me from being a carbon copy.

Most of the posts found here are from the net, if it's my work, I'll indicate as such.

The Original Elephant



Read the Printed Word!

The Prom Experience

Journal / Personal Thoughts

Original Work



Link 6