i’m in a terrible dark place right now. it’s the first time in a long time that i’ve ever contemplated suicide and that it’s the right thing to do. that part scares me, letting it out of my head somehow is the only way. i feel like i can’t run to anyone – sometimes I really wish someone would be a literal shoulder to cry on and just listen. i’m an emotional wreck. i hate my body, it looks morbid, i look pregnant even though i know i’m not. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i feel like if i tell anyone what i really feel or think, they’ll just say that i’m just complaining and that i got myself into this. that makes me feel alone, very alone. i feel so pathetic and unloved, i’m not supposed to the fact that this is happening, proves something is wrong with me. i don’t know what to do. i know it’s a selfish act – a very selfish act, i know it’s just running away from things and that it’s cowardly and that it doesn’t actually solve anything, but perhaps leaving this life might take away this longing for something, someone, some where to run to.